As I look back to my experiences since discovering I had a Learning Disability in grade 3, it reminds me of an obstacle course. Filled with a range of encounters and realizing difficult internalizations I needed to experience in order to get to the finish line. Prior to my diagnosis, I was a very introverted child who although was friendly, was also quite shy and apprehensive. Especially when it came to school my biggest fear was being called on by the teacher to answer a question. I usually didn’t understand what was being taught but pretended I did since my other classmates seemed to understand. However I guess my acting skills weren’t oscar level as my teacher seemed to be quite observant and attentive, diving deeper into my learning patterns to speculate a missing piece to the puzzle; my Learning Disability.

Till this day I can still feel the intensity of confusion when being told I had a Learning Disability as I couldn’t even comprehend what a Learning Disability was let alone why I had one. Confusion was shortly accompanied by feelings of embarrassment. Whenever I tried to use my accommodations in class such as my laptop or extra time on tests, my classmates would question me or make statements like, “That’s not fair why don’t we have extra time?” Not only were the voices of my classmates beginning to get the best of me, but as were my own perceptions in relation to my L.D. Whenever I didn’t understand the lesson, or whenever I wasn’t able to finish my work before the bell rang to avoid a pile up of homework, I would blame my L.D. This caused me to only see the word Disability, hence myself as a limitation. As I knew having an L.D meant I needed to work harder, I took that as an insult as I would say “If I didn’t have an L.D I would be just as smart as the other kids.” I began to develop a resentment towards my L.D, desiring to disassociate myself from it. Throughout elementary school, I began to put extreme amounts of pressure on myself where my time was fulfilled with homework, studying, and really anything school related in order to achieve perfectionism. This perfectionist mindset quickly escalated into a lifestyle as the pressure would go against me, convincing myself that I was not intelligent or component. At this point I felt trapped and lost. Since I pushed further and further away from accepting my L.D, I didn’t know how to understand and utilize the tools that had come with it.

At this point I felt as if I was at a dead end. Not knowing which direction to go in and more importantly, not knowing who I could turn to as I felt silenced. It wasn’t until highschool where I began to feel guidance, specifically from the unconditional support from the mentors in my life. Particularly in grade nine where I took a course called Learning Strategies where other students like myself who also had an L.D would work towards constructing a strengthened comprehension of what it truly means to have an L.D. It was in this class I was taught to use the tools to strengthen my potential and success. However, what made this course even more effective was my Special Education Resource Teacher. His qualities of compassion, patience, cooperation, and dedication to what I needed, acted as my campus in achieving these positive outcomes. I then felt I was able to confidently use my accommodations; I started to become more open in talking about my Learning Disability to others as well as asking my parents to review my I.E.P with me consistently to ensure I was advocating for my needs. I began to explore and creatively establish unique studying/working habits collaboratively with my role models to best support my learning style. It was through these small steps that guided me further to acknowledge what incredible things I can accomplish (things I never thought I could). I began my Post Secondary education at Seneca College in 2018 enrolled in the Early Childhood Education Program. I remember starting to feel nervous and quick to assume that I was going to face challenges with the course workload. However, I reflected back on what I learned in the Learning Strategies course; recalling what my mentors emphasized to me, and reminded myself that “I’ve come so far! Am I really going to let a few nerves take credit for all the hard work and courage I have developed to ruin that?” This fright and intimidation was shaken off and replaced by feelings of excitement and determination that led the way. As I carried on this attitude and I took on this new chapter in my life, I felt confident. I was comfortable asking questions in class, asking for extra assistance when needed, as well as not worrying about obtaining perfectionism, but rather advocating for my needs and enjoying the learning process. It was through this healthy outlook that allowed me the invitation to be content with myself and my learning. Ultimately, the more I came to terms with my L.D, the more happier and successful I was. I am currently in the ECE program working towards my degree. I wish to work and inspire children and youth, just as my role models in my life did for me.

As I reflect back on the day I was diagnosed with a Learning Disability along with the hurdles I had to jump over, I am glad that I was able to experience those challenges. Although that may sound strange as we all desire for the easiest approach, I do believe that without those downfalls I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate the positives I have gained from trusting the process particularly in welcoming my L.D as a significant aspect to my identity. As I am dedicated to being a lifelong advocate for those with disabilities, I wish nothing more but to inspire others where we can unite as a community where the ingredients of strength, resilience, belonging, and collaboration can remove the labels and stigma associated with Learning Disabilities. Although it may be challenging just remember…. It is the difficult roads that lead to beautiful destinations.